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Does an affair always mean an end of the relationship?

If your partner has had an affair, your world will probably fall apart. You’ll be hurt, angry, and shocked. All your friends and family will take side against your partner and tell you to end the relationship because they will want to protect you from someone that caused you pain. 

You’ll probably feel embarrassed or stupid even to consider staying with your partner who cheated on you. But what if you still love your partner? Can you imagine spending life with someone else? Do you have joint assets, a house, or children together? What will you leave behind you if you choose to end the relationship? Does an affair have to be the end? If both of you want to make your relationship good again, prepare for some hard work and commitment. 

An affair can serve as a wakeup call

There’s often something much pervasive and deeper going on in the relationship. The affair can be a symptom of the issue, not the issue itself. Maybe you have argued and have created a lack of intimacy or disconnected. Maybe you have become too busy with work or the children and have forgotten to pay attention. Maybe the relationship has become routine and monotonous.

Whatever the reasons, something wasn’t working before the affair. Even if you leave your partner, you risk repeating the same patterns with someone else and creating the same situation again. Instead, you can use the affair as an opportunity and wakeup call and see the real problems. 

One thing is for sure – the relationship as you knew it must end. However, that doesn’t mean leaving your partner. You can leave behind your problems and accept the possibility of creating something better together. 

Share responsibility

Even if only one partner has cheated, you’re both to be blamed for the affair. The unfaithful person must admit their guilt and ask for forgiveness. However, the other partner also must acknowledge their role in creating an unhappy relationship. Both of you need to take steps and ensure better emotional intimacy.

Talk about your feelings 

The person who cheated will feel ashamed since they have hurt their partner, and they’ll try to avoid talking. However, talking is the most important thing you should do since you need to understand and process the betrayal. Don’t make the same mistakes to avoid talking about your problems and drift apart. Now it’s time to re-evaluate any problems with your relationship. But once you move past the affair, you shouldn’t bring it up anymore. 

See if your partner is truly regretting 

The most important and decisive argument is your partner’s attitude toward what they have done. If your partner truly regrets the actions and feels guilty, you can consider forgiveness. However, you should understand the reasons for your partner’s infidelity and move on.

Give it time 

In the beginning, it would seem that the feelings will always stay unbearable and the trust won’t be built again. You’ll be surprised to see how things will improve if you allow the feelings rather than pushing them away. 

Health

How to get over your partner without having negative thoughts?

We just can’t stop thinking about some life situations. In that inner battle of negative thoughts that are constantly revolving around, shifting the focus to something else seems impossible.

But we always have a reason for these negative thoughts, and when the reason is a breakup, we always spend so much time wondering what our ex-partners are doing, thinking, and feeling, and why such an outcome has occurred. 

It is a state of constant uncertainty that is difficult to deal with. It is difficult and painful, but it is a condition that is completely normal after a breakup and it does not last forever. We offer you some helpful tips on how to reduce the duration of this dreadful period and stop being preoccupied with negative thoughts.

Related story:
Should you break up with your partner? 

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How to stop unhealthy, obsessive, and negative thoughts after a breakup?

The brain needs to repeat certain scenarios and thoughts that hurt you to prepare you for possible similar events in the future. A certain amount of such thoughts is perfectly normal after a breakup, but sometimes there are too many negative thoughts, so you should learn how to stop them. 

Do not run away from your experience, but normalize it

Sometimes we do not have the answers to the questions that bother us and it is a completely normal state of mind to return to the same or similar topics to come up with answers. If you want to return to a “normal” state and if you want to move away from negative thoughts, you must first accept them and understand your process as completely normal. There is nothing shameful about getting over your partner. 

Change your thoughts 

No one can change their focus or thoughts into something positive in a week. But everyone can go on with their lives. Do not just think about what happened and do not be afraid of the life that follows. Be active, find new hobbies, go back to your old activities, socialize, and gradually change the way you think and feel. 

Decide to change and be specific

Although negative thoughts are normal, you should not allow yourself to get lost in their whirlpool. Breaking up is a huge life change and you are the person who has to decide exactly how that breakup will change you. From a breakup, like any other life change, you can draw a lot of positive things. Therefore, instead of self-pity, choose to learn lessons from that breakup, to find out what was toxic in the relationship. You need to understand what you do not want to see and experience in the next relationship.

negative thoughts

Replace “why” with “how” and “what”

When we experience certain losses and tragedies, we often wonder why that happened to us, why it happened at all, and why someone decided to do it. It is good to ask yourself questions after a breakup, but the emphasis should not be on “why” but on “how” and “what”. For example, instead of asking, “Why did this happen?” ask yourself, “How did this happen?” or “What can be concluded from everything that happened?” Questions with “why” can make you feel stuck. 

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Schedule negative thoughts

Since you will not be able to get rid of negative thoughts in the short term, you should at least schedule them. Schedule a period of the day when you will think about everything that has happened and answer some of the questions that bother you about the breakup. Set aside between 15 and 30 minutes a day for this, and once you have done so, return to other activities.

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Love

Signs that you are in a rebound relationship

Okay, let’s get some things straight from the beginning. Being a rebound sucks and we know it!

But the worst thing is that you cannot fault the person that is using you to rebound. It is very likely they are not even doing it consciously. 

Being rebound to someone is maybe just poor timing and the fact that they are vulnerable and you are available. Just to be clear – we don’t mean that if you are with someone who just had a bad breakup that your relationship must be doomed. However, here are some warning signs that indicate that you could be a rebound. 

Related story:
Signs that you shouldn’t start a relationship

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You found out their last relationship was pretty serious

Yep, this is a warning sign that you may be a rebound. Did your current partner date someone for a short time and things just fizzled out? Well, that kind of relationship is not so damaging that someone would have needed a rebound. But did they date for six years? Were they high school sweetheart’s maybe? Did their friends think they were getting married for sure? Well, that’s bad and you know it! 

Your partner needs a date to a major event coming up 

Well, in this case, you are more of an arm candy; we cannot even call you a rebound. This is the most common case when their ex-partner is going to the same birthday/benefit/party. After a breakup, people need to show that they have moved on to their exes. Everyone wants to win that department after a bad breakup. If this describes your situation perfectly for you, just make sure you can leave the place on your own, so you can whenever you want. This is a guaranteed shit show.

Things are moving way too fast 

Yes, it is a bad thing if your partner is feeling too comfortable with you from the very beginning. Does it feel as if she/he never left the old relationship? These people act as if they are in the same relationship just with a different person. If they are trying to act like things are serious less than two months in and constantly doing some “serious” stuff and expecting you to do the same, it might be because they are having a hard time relearning boundaries.

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Their expectations seemed forced 

It is as if they cannot let go of how things used to be. They get upset if you do not want to go to the theatre or expect them to come to your place instead of theirs. Maybe they think you don’t call enough (or too much). They are always annoyed about things that they don’t even need to be annoyed about. They could mean that they basically want you to replace their old partner. Until they come to terms with the fact that their old relationship is over, things will not change.

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They are always in a relationship 

That is not a bad thing essentially, but it does not mean that they are committed either. Some people just need to be constantly with someone, meaning they almost instinctively grab the first person after a bad breakup. If you can see a pattern, it is unlikely you are breaking the mold.

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Love

How to celebrate important dates in a long-distance relationship

Navigating a long-distance relationship is no easy at all, especially when the calendar lands on important dates of yours.

But just because you aren’t physically together, it doesn’t mean the important dates have to be any less romantic.

We know, it is not the same as being in real life with your boo. Be the global pandemic or other circumstance, many people are separated right now. But because of that, there are many virtual date options for you and your partner, so you can easily celebrate your important dates. 

Related story:
How to celebrate your anniversary at home?

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The important dates deserve to be celebrated, so we offer you some lavish options.

Listen to porn together

What’s a better way to celebrate some of your important dates by listening to audio porn? If you both prefer the sound to the visual of porn, this type of porn may be your new favorite thing. Many apps nowadays apps feature short-form stories that will spark your imagination and get you in the mood, no matter how far apart you are. Audio porn can be a sure-fire way to spice up your important dates.

Stream a show or movie simultaneously

Okay, we know the feeling – you are dying to watch the new season of your favorite series on Netflix, but you want to do that with your partner. Maybe this isn’t the most romantic thing to do on important dates, but, you shouldn’t feel pressure to do something that you don’t want just because it is your anniversary or Valentine’s Day. Enjoy every minute with your partner. Eat the same snacks and maintain communication through FaceTime so you can get all their reactions. This will make you feel like you are really together. Better yet, try Netflix or HBO’ Party feature, which lets you watch simultaneously without having to sync up manually.

Enjoy a sunset or sunrise together

Whether it is from your window, on a rooftop, or at the beach, coordinate a time to FaceTime that coincides with the sun rising or setting. We know that sometimes time zones can be a problem, so you can share your sunrise or sunset with your partner through video and vice versa.

important dates

Arrange a dinner date

If you always celebrate your important dates by going on a dinner date, well, distance shouldn’t stop you now. You can both cook your favorite meal and set them up in front of your camera. You will get an amazing virtual dinner date. Do you want to make it even more exciting? Well, then you should try a virtual cooking class together. And don’t forget the dessert! The literal dessert and the one that will give you a good orgasm before going to sleep. 

Related story:
Long-distance date ideas during the quarantine

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Visit them…as a surprise 

Nothing can beat if you show up at their current home when they are not expecting to see you. If you can get some time off from work, the best gift you can give them is time spent together on some important date for you two. Or even better, you can plan a trip to meet somewhere else. You can meet halfway and split the expenses. Even if you spend a couple of days somewhere local, we all know that a change of scenery will make it a special occasion.

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