We met near the mall. We had previously agreed to have our first coffee together…
I drive and I think to myself “This will be another fail…” But I don’t want them to think that I didn’t even try and that I am selfish, egoistic, self-absorbed, thinking that I am the most beautiful person… Actually, it couldn’t be more wrong, but it is what it is. I want to do my best. In every person I meet intentionally or unintentionally, I try to find the good in them. I want to remember people for their good things, and I love and cherish those good parts of them.
“Snob,” I thought. Money, cars, expensive perfumes, and a collector of Breitling watches. One more in a row.
I convince and dissuade myself, I go through everything in my head in just 6 minutes. That’s how long it takes to drive to the mall. I arrive, I see you, quite the opposite of my imagination, my idea, your misrepresentation, your conversations and empty words written
on text messages with which you tried to deceive me, raise me, lower me, and play a little. But come on, I’m always the picky one, although I think that’s the way it should be.
It just has to be that way! Everyone should appreciate themselves, their values, and what they have to offer. To appreciate the invaluable you can give, great love, a heart that only knows how to love, and a womb that tomorrow can bring him an heir/heiress. Appreciate yourself, woman! You are worth more than you think and more than what you have been told.
I raised my head and met a sincere and not so naive look. Eyes sky blue – crystal blue, pure blue. The walk pleased me, the half-empty complex made me feel even more relaxed and really be me. Nice conversation, the advice I want to get and I often apply in my life. An image that doesn’t match the words on my cell phone. Wait, what? Wasn’t he a snob, wasn’t he another spoiled by life, untouched by the wounds life knows to inflict, protected by women, loved by family and friends…nothing was clear to me.
I left with a lot of questions, but a clear idea in my head what I saw, and most importantly what I felt during the meeting. There was an interest to meet again from both of us. Meeting after meeting, getting to know each other, talking, laughing…Getting close and opening up to each other, sharing difficulties and life situations in which we have failed, that is, we have not done our best. The interest is growing more and more in both of us. Exchange of sweet messages and pictures from everyday life. Meeting after meeting…
The more you get to know a person, the more you get lost in him, in yourself, in the environment. You try, you struggle to stay staid, and to think with a clear head and mind without your emotions interfering because if you’ve been hurt, you mustn’t be again. If you involve only your heart, you can easily be hurt, but if you include a little bit of reason, you may save yourself and be grateful for it.
It’s strange how a person is different on a phone and in real life. The conversations in-person get deeper. Those conversations make you laugh or bring you restlessness because you think what your expectations should be, and how far you can go. But it’s better not to think, so you don’t think, you don’t think anything, you don’t think about tomorrow but you live in that moment, you enjoy that smile to the maximum, you enjoy the emotions that arouse nervousness in you, tickling in the stomach, and the adrenaline after the first kiss… It’s best to learn how to live and steal moments, to learn to enjoy them, to get the most out of it and to be happy, at least for a moment… Because you never know when he will disappear, or when you will disappear… And you don’t know when he will stop wanting to be part of that story, or when you will stop.
Current happiness that you know it may not be there tomorrow, a happiness that will only give you a little power and strength to overcome the hardships of life, happiness that comes as a drop of infusion, every 30 seconds, 30 minutes, or 30 days… An infusion called life, you don’t know which drop will hurt you, and which will lift you, and make you feel unique.
It’s a real luck to stay in one story if it’s right for you. Just for once, the luck to be waiting for you to show up and get started. Luck that few people experience today…
A world full of lies and fake things, people with empty souls and deep pockets, a suffocating environment in which you have to live, to go on and succeed to deceive the soul so that it does not suffer, a world in which you need to know how to survive. One more fail in a row…
Celebrities who have experienced racism
It is devastating that in 2020 we are witnessing discrimination and even killing of people for the color of their skin. Systemic racism has been catapulted back into the people’s consciousness following the dreadful killings of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, and Breonna Taylor. People all over the world are raising their voices with Black Lives Matter protests.
Some celebrities have experienced racism, too. Read about their situations, and know that you are not alone – we are all fighting against racism.
In the wake of these cold-hearted murders, many celebrities have finally spoken out and used their social media accounts to send powerful messages about #BlackLivesMatter and demand justice.
So, no matter their ‘celebrity status’, here are the stars that have experienced heartbreaking situations of racial discrimination.
Oscar and Grammy-winning artist opened up about a racist run-in he had experienced together with his wife, the model and cookbook author, Chrissy Teigen, in 2017.
Paparazzi at JFK basically called them monkeys. He felt awful, and he says that black people have dealt with being called monkeys for a long time. He believes that dehumanization has been a method of subjugation and racism of black folks. And, unfortunately, this is not a thing of the past.
Michelle is the first black First Lady of the US. And we must admit that since 2009, she has inspired many people worldwide with her leadership.
However, after they left the White House in 2017, the author finally opened up about the racial discrimination she received during her husband’s presidency.
Michelle revealed that she people called her an “ape in heels” and that she had a “gorilla face”. These phrases were said by government officials. She was disappointed to learn that even after 8 years of working hard for the country, there are people who will not respect her because of her skin color.
Obama made history when he became the first black President of the US. He admitted that even in Hawaii as a kid, he experienced racial discrimination for being a black man.
When he was 10 years old, a woman didn’t want to share the elevator with him, even though she was going on the same floor as him. Then over time, he has learned that the locks will start going on doors as a black man crosses the street. He believes that people think African-American people are dangerous. And this presumption arises from the cultural and social perceptions that have been served to the people for a long time.
In May this year, a video of Markle speaking about her experience with racism reappeared online.
The video was filmed before her Duchess days in 2012. In the video, she was wearing a t-shirt that said “I won’t stand for racism”, saying that she hoped the world would become more accepting of people in the future. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen.
She is bi-racial, and most people cannot even tell what she is mixed with. So, all the slurs she has heard or the offensive names or jokes, strongly hit her. She even heard someone call her mom the offensive ‘N word’, so she is disappointed by the world, as we all are.
She is the best tennis player of this time, but she still has experienced disgusting racial treatment on a few occasions throughout her career.
When she was just 19 years old, she competed at Indian Wells. Serena endured the worst moment of racism in tennis history there. The whole stadium (99% white people) were booing and using racial slurs against her and her family. She won the match against Kim Clijsters, but the world still hasn’t won when it comes to racism.
How to be alone: Learning how to enjoy life
I believe there’s nothing harder than being alone. Until yesterday, you have functioned as a team with someone. Okay, at least, I thought we were a team, just us two. But we were actually two plus one. But, never mind. When I came home, I had someone to spend my day with. I had someone to whom I could complain about my bad day, and someone to yell even when he wasn’t guilty about anything. And I was always there for him – whenever he needed me. Well, from this perspective, maybe he wasn’t even listening to me – maybe he was thinking about something or someone else. But, I don’t care anymore.
There’s one good thing when bad things happen to you – God sends the right people into your life, so they can help with your pain. People who will help you carry your pain and put some color in your gray life. Maybe a total stranger will appear in your life that will stay with you until you start to see the sun that shines all the time. You feel like everyone notices the warm sun, except you. But, there is she. She appeared in my life like a snowdrop in early spring. She is my angel, my savior, my support. She is always there next to me, physically and mentally. She is always there for me, and my precious child. She is my closest friend and his aunty T.
You, who unfortunately have had similar experiences like mine, know that besides your closest relatives, the others are preoccupied with pitying you. They “worry” how you’ll continue with your life, but they don’t even ask you whether you need something. A word, a sentence, a message, a consolation, or a hug would be enough. And when I think of hugs, I immediately regret I didn’t hug T more. I was feeling so good when she welcomed me in my home, with a big smile on her face. She was so happy, you’d think we hit the jackpot! And she just wanted to see me smile, happy, and with my head up. She just wanted me to overcome my problems.
I just wish to hug her again. I miss my T. I miss her every day. When I was the loneliest – I had her. When I needed nice words – I had her. When I was angry – I had her. Every emotion that I’d express, she’d absorb it like a sponge, at least half of my emotions. Today, I wonder how she managed to do all that stuff. I would never be able to do those things, but she simply could.
The mourning phase lasted shortly, I think. Besides my daily responsibilities, my brain working with light speed worrying about my future, the future of my child, making plans to survive the day and the month, I didn’t feel like doing anything else. Everything I did was encouraged by T. She wanted us to grab cups of coffee together, cook together, go shopping, and eat cookies until we can no more. And one day, while I was driving to the nearest mall, we started to sing loud together in the car. I felt relieved from all the stress, nervousness, dark thoughts, and negative energy.
The next day was Saturday. We got up at 8 o’clock, got ready, and woke up T. And we went on a road trip. We planned to travel 140 km, but we passed 332 km. We drove, stopped, and we looked at horses, cows, and sheep. We continued our road and had a cup of coffee in one small town, then continued to another, and arrived in a third town. We came back home at 10 pm. My angel and T were tired. I was happy!
I finally found my therapy – long drive and music. The loudest music and even louder singing! After the wrong verses, there was long laughing with my T. In my sweetie, I saw again the sparkle in his eyes when he was seeing his mommy happy.
We repeated that day every weekend. Every weekend, we would choose a different location, different roads, new challenges, new kilometers, and new memories worth remembering. My sweetie was every time happier and happier when I would tell him: Get ready your bag, we’re going to sing.” We wouldn’t go anywhere without my T. She was my co-driver. She would give me tissues every time a song upset me. She sang together with me when my favorite song started.
I was sad because I was humiliated. But, after a short period, I was happy to be alone.
The only thing worse than an empty bed is a vacant heart laying in one.
When people are afraid of you…
I had a cup of coffee with my friend for the first time since I had parted ways with my partner. I usually meet with my friends in playrooms, quiet cafes, or pastry shops. I choose places with fewer crowds, where I can relax without bothering anyone. Although Baby is a sweet and adorable kid who knows the rules when we aren’t at home, he is just a child, meaning he’s curious about everything!
I told her the news that I am a single mom now from recently, and she listened to me with disbelief, impatiently waiting to ask me how I am. “Great,” I responded to her. She was confused and asked me again, “Tell me, please, how are you?” I gave her the same answer – great. And she knows very well that I don’t act and I am brutally sincere for the world and me. “I feel amazing, why don’t you believe me? I would share with you any emotions associated with the situation, but you can see me – I look beautiful, nice, with a smile on my face, and full of life!” Inside everything is the same.
The lump in the throat I used to live with is gone. I can now breathe freely; I can talk without feeling anxiety inside me. My heart is full of love for Baby and that’s more than enough! Now, I am not just a mother, but I am a mother, lioness, and his whole world. For him, and above all for me, I will fight until my last breath. After everything has happened, I had the option to be as everyone expected me to be – sad and desperate. People still expect some terrible reactions from me. But I chose to be what I am now.
Young girl with a baby. A girl with plans, ideas, and dreams. A girl who desires to experience and try everything unattainable so far for her. Once, when I was thinking that the anger would get to me and I could make some stupid thing, I stopped and went to take a shower with the hottest water possible for more than 40 minutes. I think that my body was burning and my soul was burning even more. The tears flowed faster than the water; my eyes were hurting from the tears.
I got out of the shower and I stood in front of the mirror. Naked person. My soul was naked. I talked with that person in the mirror. I believed in her that he won’t give up and I wanted to hear what she has to tell. The same person had two options – to cry, to grieve, to be furious and disappointed, to be angry and nervous, and end up on sedatives and inability to take care of Baby, or she could sit down and write what she has inside her.
She could see again her qualities, learn to respect herself, and walk in front of everything until she gets to a safe place where she could relax with Baby. I did the same, and I have concluded something – it’s the easiest to decide to stand firmly on your decision when you know who you are, and how much you are worth.
That lifted me from the disappointment I experienced, and disrespect from the person I least expected. And for the action that made me succumb…for a moment!
The belief in me, in Baby, in life, and above all in God, that has always protected me, it made me what I am today. I am happy alone, and inside me.
She just watched me and couldn’t believe my words… “What bravery,” she said silently. “You have so much power, and you’re so strong! I admire you and I envy you. Well done.”
It isn’t easy to tell these things to people, because after they hear your story, they run away from you as if they are running away from fire! They know subconsciously that when they do me some wrongs, I can live without them. I can easily turn away and continue with my life as if they never were part of it.
Nobody thinks for his or her actions and if there is a reason to hurt me or whether I deserve. I often forgive, I try even to forget. We are humans, we all make mistakes. But the beauty after the mistake is the art to know how to apologize from your heart and to show that the mistake wasn’t intentional.
People are afraid of mentally strong women. But they don’t know that their strength comes from being tested by life’s unpredictability. They would be lucky to have such a woman in their lives! These women are prepared for every fight life throws at them!
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